So, as you all know I’m a divorced mom to a few little munchkins. And a few months ago I started to be open to the idea of opening my heart up to someone whenever God presented a suitable partner. I’ve entertained a few guys very casually but none of them have seemed like “the one”. Not even my ex husband seemed like “the one” when I was married to him.
I must admit, dating while being a single mom has been very intimidating. I wondered many things in the beginning like…
“Will men be interested in me once finding out I have a children?”
“How will I even break away for dates without locking in a babysitter way in advance?”
“Will he be turned off by a crying toddler in the background, while talking to me on the phone?”
…Just to name a few. Once I stopped overthinking it, I quickly realized that it wasn’t as complicated as I was making it out to be.
Below are a few key factors that I came up with in hopes to help you Belles who are single mommies navigate dating as a single mother easier. So let’s dive right in:
1. First, try to resolve any unsettled issues with your ex. The last thing you want to do and the easiest way to run off a potential partner is to enter a new relationship with a bunch of baggage and drama from your past relationship.
2. Be upfront in the beginning that you have a kid(s). Don’t wait until later to indulge that information. Some people’s preference is to NOT date someone with kids and that’s okay. They are entitled to that. But you want to figure out if you are entertaining a guy who has that preference early on so feelings don’t get involved prematurely and you end up with a bunch of wasted time and hurt feelings when it’s all said and done.
3. Don’t introduce your kids to someone you are getting to know too soon. The last thing you want to do is allow your child to develop an emotional attachment to a guy who doesn’t end up sticking around in the long run.
4. Make sure your priorities are in order. No matter what, you are a mom first until you say “I do.” Don’t get caught up in the hype of a new relationship and neglect important parenting duties.
5. If a guy has entered your life that’s actually WORTH getting to know, devote the time to get to know him on a deeper level. One of the hardest parts of dating while being a single mom is simply finding the time. This is where your village comes in. You’ll have to lean on family and friends for babysitters. Hey, that’s what loved ones are for, right?
6. Gauge early on if the man you’re interested in has the maturity level it takes to date someone with a child. Yes, your child is your child and not your potential partner’s responsibility but the reality of the situation is you and your child come as a package deal and if the guy you are dating/courting is staying out until 3am every night chances are he may not be a suitable partner for someone with a child.
7. It’s takes a very understanding guy to date a single mom because your time is golden. Time spent with him means time away from the kids. And it’s time that has to be planned in advanced. The luxury of dropping what you’re doing for spontaneous dates is pretty much over, so he’ll have to understand that as well.
8. Be vulnerable. As single moms we can easily have a guard up. We are so used to being strong for ourselves and our babies. We have to not only protect ourselves but our children also. But without fully letting a worthy guy in you’ll never give anyone a fair chance and could miss out on a good guy.
9. Be led by God. If something doesn’t feel right, most likely it isn’t. Drop anyone who doesn’t fit into your family and make no apologies for it. With children involved you have to truly have discernment. You can’t afford to allow a crazy guy into y’all lives.
10. Last but not least, HOLD YOUR HEAD HIGH SIS! Just because you are a mom doesn’t make you any less worthy or attractive. Childless guys will happily date moms, I see it happening every day. Figure out your strengths and know what you bring to the table. Single mom, or not, you are the daughter of a King and deserve to be courted as such. Don’t ever think you have to settle because you have a precious child. God will send the perfect man in his perfect timing for you and your children.
I hope I made some of you ladies day!!
Xoxo, Heart Of A Belle 💚
Latifah J. Johnson 