I feel lost in life… but let’s change that!

Life isn’t exactly what it looks like in the movies. It’s not always grand and full of parties…pretty people…pretty things.

Life is hard!!!

It forces us to make decisions that we never thought we’d have to make. It’s dirty sometimes. People get hurt. And you hurt people.

Sometimes you feel utterly alone. Like you could just run away and no one would care.

You’re constantly chasing something, but you don’t always know what that something is. It’s confusing.

Sometimes you’re filled with with so much anxiety. You cry for no reason. You take all of these meds and spend all this money, but yet nothing helps still.

You wonder about people you used to know. What are they up to now? Are they happy?

You think about all the good times you spent with your ex. Did you make the right decision breaking up with them? How would your life be different if you hadn’t?  Again, you cry.

Because there’s absolutely no roadmap. You have no idea what’s next. Where are you supposed to go from here? What’s you path? What’s your purpose?

Why can’t you just go back to first period 9th grade English class? Life was simple then. You had friends. You had direction. You were working towards something- the real world.

But now you’ve come to find that being in the real world is like being dropped out of an airplane in the middle of some crazy vast open field with no phone, no GPS.

It sucks, and It’s up to you to find your way.

You’re constantly second guessing your decisions, because you’re scared of nothing more than getting lost in life.

You want more than what this life has to offer sometimes, and it drives you absolutely mad.

You want the sun. You want to go places, experience things. Great things. Adventurous and dangerous things.

But most of the time, work and bills and life in general get in the way of that.

So you feel stuck.

And you feel suffocated.

And you can’t breathe.

Life will feel that way. Sometimes, it’ll feel that way a lot. But this life of ours, it’s the most overwhelmingly beautiful thing, and you need to remember that. Always.

So learn to breathe and be present. Because if not, you’ll miss it, and you’ll be so sad that you did.

Run as fast as you can towards anything and everything that makes you feel alive. Everything that makes you feel whole.

Use your talents.

Help other people.

Smile even when you feel that all hope is lost.

Because it never it… Open your heart to everyone you meet, and live a gracious life.

Be grateful for everything you have, because there’s always someone out there who’d kill for your life.

Taste everything. Feel everything.

Travel.

See things, talk to strangers. Share all of your stories.

Cry and laugh and stay up all night. Sleep in the next day.

Take time to be outside in nature and roll around in the dirt. Stay outside in the rain and appreciate just how powerful and gorgeous thunder(Y’all know I love thunderstorms)is!!

Read a book. Fiction and non-fiction. Create your own stories and write them down for everyone to see.

Give everything you have of your soul.

Sing and dance until you’re physically exhausted.

Make those memories.

Because as hard as life is sometimes, and as much as you sometimes just want to run away and never come back, you only get one life.

And you can make it as terrible or as fucking amazing as you want to!!!

That’s the truth of it.

Make the best out of all the cards you’re dealt. I promise you, you’ll thank yourself 30 years from now.

Follow your heart, and don’t be afraid to do things that scare you shitless.

Those are usually the best things.

The things that push you….

The things that take you to exactly where you need to be.

So love your life, and live it with reckless abandon.

Everything will be ok.

Xoxo, Heart Of A Belle 💚

Advertisements

Silence can be golden… protect your blessings!!

It’s crazy to say but often times, we don’t realize that we can block our own blessings. Loose lips definitely sink ships.

You can put a halt to a process before it even has the chance to start by speaking about it with the wrong people. Not everyone will be happy about your blessings and achievements. There are some that are angry and bitter about their own misfortune & failure and won’t dare speak life into the blessings you’ve received and are about to obtain.

What’s tricky about people like that is that you never really know who those people are until after you’ve already shared your plans and/or good news. It’s better to not speak about these things unless you’re 100% sure that the person you’re speaking with has your best intentions at heart, no matter their own situation and circumstance. Trust me, on this one. Any matter that concerns plans for your future will prove to be your best kept secrets.

Occasionally, you’ll run into that not-so-close friend that’ll give off vibes (or might even say outright) that you’re being selfish by being secretive. To that, I say “Well, tough shit. When it comes down to me protecting my blessings and trying to appeal to your emotions, I’m protecting my blessings.” If your friend can’t respect that, then that’s not a real friend.

The same goes for family. When they’ve asked, I’ve had to respectfully explain that I was guarding my prospective plan. I didn’t want to release and share it yet, and they respected it. If your friends and family can’t respect you wanting to guard your blessings, then they don’t deserve to know and they sure as hell don’t deserve to be around to watch you take in those blessings. In this sense, selfishness is necessary. If being selfish means protecting & bettering yourself, then so be it.

I realize that staying silent is easier said than done because, thanks to excitement and hope for the future, it’s natural for us to want to share our good news. Thats why I keep my mouth shut about my personal goals.

As I reflect on past mistakes. In the past, I’ve made the mistake of sharing my goals & life plans with far too many people. While a majority of those people were congratulatory and sincerely wished me well, there were some that doubted me, my abilities, and the possibility of my goals coming to fruition. What was shocking, more than anything, was who the people were. I’m talking close friends and family members whose opinions I’d valued sometimes more than my own. Their discouragement made me second guess my dreams and goals. Which is sad.. because they’re supposed to be your close friends and family right!? Right!

I consider my future. With my past experience and considering how the words of others have affected my mindset, I consider my future. I consider how their subtle negativity has made me lose valuable time & opportunities, I remember how my trying to please them & their expectations and wants for my life have contributed to my depression, and I promise to myself that I’ll never let anyone sway me from my passion, blessings, and happiness.

It’s kind of like cooking when you think about it! Hear me out… If you’re cooking up a dish and your taste buds are tingling, your mouth is watering, and you’re visualizing yourself eating your oh so delicious end result. Then someone comes into the kitchen and gives you a little twist to put on your dish. You take their advice and add the twist. Then someone else does the same thing. And so on and so forth. That dish is going to be gross and it’s not going to be what you wanted it to be.

When you know what you want to do and have the concrete, legit steps to get it done, why would you add other people’s opinions to it? When all is said and done, you’ll be the one standing with the end results. Whether you like it or not depends on what you do leading up to the end. Either way, it all lies on your shoulders and the paths you take.

At the end of it all, what’s meant for you will be yours. What you do while on the journey to your finish line determines how quickly you can rest, relax, and enjoy your blessings or whether you’ll be clawing your way to the end. The choice is ultimately yours. Be careful of who you let into your head, be careful of who you let speak over your life, and be especially careful of who you surround yourself with. All of these things can either make or break you and your blessing that’s coming your way!

Xoxo, Heart Of A Belle 💚

Sis… let him go and be about you!

“So what’s going on with you and _____.” My friend asked me the other night on the phone, about one of the few guys that I’ve told her about since I’ve been single single for almost 2 years now.

But hold up sis!!! Can we talk about how that’s a MAJOR accomplishment for me?!! I ain’t think I could ever be “alone” for that long. Look at Goooodddd! Won’t he do it!?!?!!!

Before I tell you my response, let me tell you about ol’ boy. There are very few guys that have caught my attention enough in the last 2 years that I’ve actually really WANTED to be with. This guy has been like my top 1 for a few months now though. When I thought about him, I could actually possibly see our future together. I saw our similarities, our passions, our gifts, our interest and our love for God. I’ve known him for a while and we’ve been cool for a hot minute now but one day I actually spent some good quality time with him in my bed just talking and getting to know each other and it was like my eyes opened. I wanted more than a friendship and wanted him to want the same things but the reality was..

He just didn’t want me like that!

He didn’t want to pursue a relationship for his own reasons, and in my heart I just couldn’t accept that. I was a catch! All these great qualities to add to someone, and here he was, rejecting me. How could he not see that the woman he needed was right there in his face?!

I mean HELLLOOO!?!

So what I did I do wrong?!

I tried to change his mind about me. I tried for months to make him see my worth. I went out my way to validate myself, just so that he would want me back. We would flirt, hang out from time to time and then I would go weeks or months without seeing or hearing from him. He was adamant about not pursuing me and was very honest that a relationship with me was just not what he wanted. My feelings were hurt and my ego was definitely bruised, but the tinge of hope I had that one day he would wake up and see it just wouldn’t go away.

Until one day God checked me in the middle of one of my tired rants about him…

“It’s time to let this go Latifah. He’s not who I have chosen for you.”

It was in that moment that I accepted that he wasn’t it, and never will be. That no matter how great I thought he was, he wasn’t who God had in mind for me. He wasn’t God’s pick for me. And I’m not taking away from his amazinginess, but he just isn’t for me. We just weren’t right for one another. And that HAD to be OK.

So seeing him recently, after not seeing him for almost 2 or 3 months, and not getting the usual butterflies afterwards was really good. I was able to be the girl that I used to be before I caught feelings. I was able to see him just for who he is, and realize that God was in fact right. He wasn’t the one for me.

So when my friend asked me this question, when in the past I would’ve gushed and tried to explain these undying feelings, I was calm and cool.

“Nothing is up. We’re good. He just didn’t see my worth and my value and I realized I was gonna stop trying to make him.”

She highlighted one word out of that statement. Value. She loved that the best.

Because for so long, I couldn’t see my value. For so long I had settled to deal with people who didn’t recognize or appreciate it. Simply because you can’t demand someone to see something in you that you don’t even see yourself.

But recently, I’ve been allowing God to show me how much he values and cherishes me. And because I’m starting to see myself through his lenses, I’m starting to understand just how special I really am.

Then.. the game changed when he gave me revelation about how my posture should be through this single season that I’m in.

“Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. Genesis 2:22”

Sooo you mean to tell me I don’t have to look for my future man? I don’t have to do anything to find him or seek him out? That GOD is gonna hook us up?? AFTER He makes me?!

Whhaatt?!!

That’s exactly what He’s doing in my life right now. He’s making me and showing me who he called me to be. He’s showing me how to be my true authentic self and not be afraid of who that woman is in spite of who will accept it or not. He’s showing me how to walk in the office he’s called me to. How to hear his voice. How to forgive people and show grace and love. He’s fixing up the faultiness in my character and training me in how to walk with the Holy Spirit leading and guiding my life.

I’m being made.

And when the time comes where he believes I’m ready to handle that next chapter in my life, He won’t keep me from the man He’s chosen for me. He’ll actually take me right to him.

And the scripture following that one tells me exactly how the man that’s for me will act.

At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’” Genesis 2:23

Notice how God didn’t have to say a word to the man. He saw her and was like FINALLY!! YESS! This is what I’ve been waiting for! This is what has been missing from my already full life! He recognized her. He saw her. He saw her worth and value and knew she was made from God specifically for him. He knew her worth, even without God’s input. Yet he saw that God was with her.

The happiness this man had when he saw his wife thougghhh! She didn’t have to present herself or explain her worth or value. She didn’t say a word. God making her and presenting her was all that the man needed to confirm she was it.

I want that. And I’m not settling for anything less than that. And I won’t apologize for not settling for less than that. And because of this truth and revelation, I can say that after almost 2 years I’m truly content and happy with being single. I love this time where I don’t have to consider anyone but myself and my children. Where I get to be myself, go where I want and do what I want without having to consult with a “boyfriend” or “husband.”

Talking to God about my decision making right now is MORE than enough. He says “NO” enough already, I do not need boyfriend or husband reinforcement on top of that.

I’m just proud of myself because I never thought I would reach this point. And it’s such a great space that an amazing man of God will have to cross my path to even make me consider changing my relationship status at this point.

And I pray, if you’re anything like me at all, that you reach that same place of contentment and peace with your singleness.

You owe it to yourself to be, because you’re missing out on appreciating the amazing life you already have and enjoying every moment of it.

Xoxo, Heart Of A Belle 💚

Why I stayed with him…

“What made you stay after he cheated?”

Uh. Wow. A question I had never been asked so directly before.

I had to stop and think for a second before I answered. Even still, I don’t believe I answered it fully.

So.. I’ll answer it here.

I never believed I was the kind woman that would stay after getting cheated on. I always thought I would be the kind of woman that would be strong enough to walk away. The kind of woman that knew her worth and value. The kind of woman that would never settle for second best. In my mind, that was the woman I was.

And in my mind, I thought the person I was with knew I was that kind of woman too.

But, the moment it happens you literally don’t know what kind of woman you are. Not truly.

The signs of cheating were there very early in our relationship . But I think at that time, our relationship held no value to me. It was early, we were young and there was like no HARD proof of unfaithfulness. It was always he say, she say. And I always believed what he said. I was that kind of person. If you tell me your truth, I’ll believe it. I don’t question or second guess it.

Besides, this was the person that loved me. The person that I loved. Why on earth would he lie to me of all people???

Ha!

So, three years into the marriage when there was cold hard proof that infidelity had taken place, I initially thought I was that woman I believed I was.

I was done. It was over. I was never going to look back.

But then.. I had a moment to process. I had invested 3 years into this marriage and given everything I had. Money, time, my body, my heart, my future, and my sanity. Everything I had to give was invested into this man. My happily ever after that I had painted for the public had been tainted. I was embarrassed. I was devastated. I was broken.

And in my mind.. I wasn’t going to lose everything I had worked so hard to build. Another woman wasn’t going to profit off the man I had created.

She wasn’t going to win.

So in-between all of the I’m sorrys and I love yous, I “forgave” him and I stayed.

Probably the worst decision I could’ve ever made for myself.

When you stay, you don’t realize the insecurities that start to build up. The questions that come.

Why wasn’t I good enough to stay faithful to? Is he going to cheat again? Is he cheating now? What does she have that I don’t? Is she prettier than me? Funnier than me? Freakier than me? Is my hair not done enough? Am I not dressing well enough? Am I ugly? Am I not working hard enough in this marriage? Am I not doing enough? What’s so wrong with me? Why was I not enough? What do I have to do to make him stay? What do I have to do to make him love me the way I deserve?

I think staying made me realize one thing about me, more than anything else.

I didn’t love myself more than I “loved” him.

I didn’t love myself at all, actually.

Shoot, did I even know what love was?!

Somehow, I thought this was the best I could do. That no one else was going to love me. That the love he provided was enough and I wasn’t going to get better, even though I secretly longed for better. Somehow, I thought that I couldn’t leave. That I had to stay. That because I had given so much, I wasn’t going to have enough to give to someone else. That no one was going to want me again. That no one was going to find me attractive. I was scared what life would be like without him in it. I couldn’t see life beyond that toxic marriage. I didn’t think I could have one.

Boy oh boy was I LYINGGGGG to myself.

It’s crazy the type of thoughts that heartbreak brings on.

It’s crazy how heartbreak drives you to settle. To believe lies. To suffer over and over again.

Three years later, with nonstop cheating, lies, drama, make ups to break ups, and trapped in a deeply rooted depression, it was like I finally woke up.

It was like a bulb had went off in my head.

It was like I realized for the first time, that I could LEAVE.

I have nothing to prove to anyone! I don’t HAVE to stay. I can get BETTER. I deserve BETTER.

And this situation is NEVER GOING TO GET BETTER.

I didn’t care who he was going to end up with when it was over, even though I already knew who it would be. I didn’t care. He could be with the world, and it wasn’t going to make me any difference. I realized he wasn’t a prize and I wasn’t losing a thing. I was winning by walking away.

I wanted out. I wanted freedom. I wanted to live a life that didn’t have him in it.

I wanted peace.

And I wanted him to find what he was looking for in everyone that wasn’t me. I wanted him to have the freedom to do that without my involvement and without my heart on the line.

I stayed in a toxic marriage longer than I ever should have, because I didn’t know who I was in Christ. I didn’t know the worth he already instilled in me.

God says that I’m more valuable than rubies (Proverbs 31:10), that I am beautiful (Songs of Solomon 4:7), that I am his masterpiece (Eph 2:10), the hairs on my head are numbered (Matthew 10:30) so he cares about every detail of my makeup, and HIS plans for me are perfect and everything works for MY good (Romans 8:28-30).

If God says all of these TRUTHS about me, how could I ever settle for someone who doesn’t know those same truths? God’s perfect plan for my life, could not include me being with someone who didn’t value me or love me the way that He does. God’s perfect plan would never leave me depressed. God’s perfect plan would never leave me to doubt who he made me to be.

Because of this, I couldn’t settle and I can never settle again.

If you’re a person who is currently in a situation like mine or can’t let go of a situation like mine, I want you to know this.

You’re beautiful. You’re precious. You deserve God’s best. You’re amazing. You’re talented. You’re one of a kind. No one compares to you because God only made one of you. You are loved by God! You’re loved by the creator of the universe! He took his time to make you so unique and so special! You’re more valuable than any diamond, any amount of money, any gift.

Don’t ever settle for less than God’s very best.

Don’t stay in a situation that God never intended for your life, for the sake of someone else.

Love yourself, more, and be with someone who strives to love you even more than that.

Xoxo, Heart Of A Belle 💚

I’m lonely too sis but let’s fix that….

Loneliness! We’ve all felt it at one point or another sis, or are still feeling it, and we all find ways to escape from it, because we’re conditioned to see it as something that completely sucks!

But really what sucks is our perspective on it because loneliness can actually be one of the best things to happen to you girl!!

Until you spend some time with YOURSELF, and really get to know yourself on every level, the feeling of loneliness will predominantly feel pretty damn shitty. But the longest and most important relationship you will ever have with anyone is with yourself, so make it the most fulfilling and satisfying one.

Being from an unstable family, I was fortunate enough to experience various forms of loneliness throughout my childhood and early twenties.

I say fortunate because it was here I learned some of my most important lessons. The first being awareness of my emotional state. As I grew older I noticed a pattern within the many addictions I myself had developed to “cope” with this loneliness.

Some included, shopping addiction and addiction to food. Now the problem here is, what I was facing is seen as quite the norm in our society.

Feeling sad? “Buy something nice and treat yourself girl!”

Down about something? “Here, have this to eat, it will make you feel good.”

Drink this, smoke that, and the list goes on.

Now here’s the thing: a treat is GREAT (and should be because you deserve it – keep loving yourself sis!), but where do we draw the line?

Our standard of living literally teaches us to not only avoid and escape from loneliness, but prevent it entirely.

You’ll see numerous people in unhappy relationships, those of us who have people pleasing habits, the workaholic, the gymaholic, and let’s not forget the Instagram-obsessed who just HAVE to post their latest meal/holiday/selfie.

All of the obsessions I’ve mentioned above, including those of my own, all had one thing in common.

They all bring some form of validation to the user.

Validation is important and it goes back to the sense of feeling safe, loved, and secure within oneself.

In this day and age, most of us seek this validation externally as a way to not feel lonely..

But what if loneliness was no longer the issue?

We would no longer need the validation from our likes and followers, from the hours at the gym or workplace. Relationships would be far more harmonious and peace wouldn’t feel so unattainable. We’d stop destroying our bodies and minds over what might enhance our lives, and start focusing on the things that REALLY fulfill us.

Below are 2 ways I’ve found to help me cope with loneliness:

1.Pure and complete acceptance and love of ourselves, which also includes fully accepting the feeling of being lonely.

And it also sounds like the most difficult job in the universe. However, when you really look at it, complete acceptance is actually the absence of judgment.

When you don’t judge yourself for feeling lonely and you give yourself the permission to completely feel the way you feel, you then develop a sense of compassion towards yourself

Which eventually allows you to tap into the love you’ve been craving from yourself.

Think of how you would treat a small child whom you loved if you knew they were feeling lonely and unloved. Now treat yourself that way.

2.Delving outside of your comfort zone, which is much easier once you start to find complete love and acceptance for yourself.

Once there is no judgment from yourself towards yourself, your fear of setbacks and failure will not hold power over you, and you’ll be open to new experiences. And who knows what you could find!

Loneliness comes from the idea of lack, and of there not being enough. This belief must be challenged and eliminated.

This is probably the most important.

Until you realize you are more than enough, and that there is more than enough abundance in the universe, loneliness will always play as a powerful factor.

This ultimately comes to how much faith you are willing to have in yourself and in the universe.

Trusting that regardless of what you have or do not have, you will always be worthy and deserving of unconditional love and abundance.

The need to validate yourself externally will no longer be of importance to you, because you’ll know you have everything you need inside yourself.

And what an absolutely wonderful gift to share not only with yourself, but with the rest of the world!!

Xoxo, Heart Of A Belle 💚

Cuffing season is a NO for me!

If you don’t know what cuffing season is, you’re either old or ugly, but you should keep reading just to see what us young & beautiful folk have to deal with.

Cuffing season is basically a time of the year where all us single people start feeling like there’s a deadline to find someone and that deadline is right now. For some odd reason, we feel this immense pressure to bring someone home for the holidays or just to be able to answer that annoying question of “Are you dating anyone” with a yes. Of course, this always occurs during the holiday season which sucks if you love the holidays but then getting asked that question every single year is a real buzz kill too.

There’s really no rush for relationships, yet November and December hit and suddenly we all feel the need to jump into things to have someone. The way I see it, cuffing season is ridiculous. There’s no set time or date you have to have someone by. When something is right you’ll both know and it’ll just naturally happen with time.

It’s crazy because you’ll find someone you find one thing in common with and boom you start thinking about dating them. It’s so easy to find people you can talk to but it’s really hard to find those genuine connections and I promise you that by rushing into things you won’t really know if it’s genuine or just about the need to cuff.

Every relationship and even my marriage, if you even want to call it that, that I’ve had was rushed and never amounted to anything. Why? For the simple fact that I’m a person who isn’t really hard to get along with and I just mistake getting along with someone as me being attracted or connecting with them.

So Belles and Beaus, stop desperately looking for someone just to fill that void and I promise you when the time is right someone great will come into your life. Or maybe they’re already in your life but you’re just not ready to see that yet and that’s okay too. Take time and when you’re ready, you’ll know. Fight cuffing season away, there’s literally no rush to find someone!

Xoxo, Heart Of A Belle 💚

The perks of online dating!

It is increasingly difficult to meet the man or woman of your dreams. With social media revealing so much information about where we live, what we do, where we work, and who friends and family are, it is increasingly worrisome to give a potential date our information. People move around so much these days that it is also hard to know who you are giving your phone number to. Not that long ago, people grew up, married, and lived their lives in the same hometown. Now, life and work move people to new, faraway places. People do not know each other as they used to.

So how do you stay safe and feel acquainted with someone you are interested in? Online dating has become a tool that allows people to get to know each other better before they disclose private information; such as, where you live and where you work.

Before, you might meet someone and strike up a conversation, which then leads to giving them your phone number. As the world becomes increasingly open with what was once private information, it is more important than ever to be cautious in giving out something as simple as a phone number.

Online dating provides you with the opportunity to talk with someone in a secure environment without worrying about them suddenly calling or stalking you. If you meet someone online that you are uncomfortable with or uninterested in, you can easily cut off all contact. In addition, if they continue to try to contact you, you can block them or report them for harassment. No confrontations or unnecessary risks are involved. You can remain anonymous until you choose to reveal more about yourself.

Another wonderful advantage of online dating is that it is, in most cases, free to sign up. You will not be charged until you find that special someone whom you wish to contact. You don’t have to worry about hanging around your favorite restaurant or bar or nightclub ordering drink after drink in hopes of meeting someone. You can conveniently browse from the comfort of your home until you find someone who lines up with the criteria you are searching for.

According to relationshipdatingadvice.com(yes, I did my search), “The main reason that people choose online dating is the number of choices you have. You can literally pick the perfect person from the millions out there in the dating pool.”

If you are looking for someone who enjoys the outdoors, has a certain appearance, or is involved in particular hobbies, you can literally pick the person who meets your criteria with a simple swipe of a finger. You may find not just one, but several potential people to begin conversing with.

Are you afraid of getting your hopes up only to be rejected, again? Online dating gives you an uncomplicated and straightforward atmosphere. You simply send someone you are interested in a message and go from there. If they choose to not respond, you move on to find someone else to strike up a conversation with.

It’s that easy!

Good luck on the journey of online dating!

Xoxo, Heart Of A Belle 💚

Sis, Stop Doing The Most To Get A Man!!

Merry Christmas. It’s not Christmas yet but y’all get me. Since it is December.. a month filled with family, friends, and love that leads to tons of engagements/marriages. I thought that now would be a good time to discuss this “how to keep/get a man” tom-foolery I have been seeing on timelines. The other day I just so happen to be scrolling passed a woman on Facebook saying that she would cook, clean, do laundry and wait for it … clean her man’s feet and pick out each and every bone in his meat. Weeks ago, I saw another women giving a list of commandments saying things like, “Ladies it’s not that hard, all you need to do is not nag when your man comes home, give him a massage, run his bath water, cook a full course meal every night and blah blah blah *insert other slave/submissive duties here*.

Now let’s not get it twisted if you have a good man that has been good to you from the start and not problematic at all and you want to do those things for him, not feeling like you need to, then this doesn’t apply. But just remember, never get too comfortable.

Ladies, let me be the one to break it to you, and pay attention cause I’m only going to say this once. You can go to the ends of the earth, end world-hunger, cook like ratatouille, read the entire bible, switch up your looks, clean like a maid service and wash/fold underwear all day long, if a man wants to cheat on you, he will. If a man isn’t ready for a commitment, following a ‘how to keep a man’ to-do list won’t make him commit. If a man has the intent to play or use you, nothing will stop him, he will continue to play and use you like his PS4, if you allow it.

We as women have got to stop thinking that men are clueless and have no idea of what they want. Some people tend to make excuses like “men’s minds are wired differently” or “he’s a man, he just doesn’t get it” or “he just doesn’t know, you have to break it down for him.” EHHHH WRONG! Trust and believe guys are very aware of their actions, they know who they want, what they want, when they want it and what their intentions are within the first interaction with you. They are not dumb, confused or clueless ladies, they play the clueless role most of the time to receive what they can get from you in that moment, whether emotionally, physically, financially or spiritually. The moral of the story is, never force it, always always always do you, never change or act a certain way to be the chosen one. You can’t change anyone. If it goes well, cool, if not that’s cool too. Move on.

Let’s look at some of our favorite celebrities, shall we? Cardi B is testament to this, she got her man to propose simply by being herself, she didn’t follow any rules (even though he a cheater, but she doesn’t care, so neither should we). Queen Bey is the the most beautiful and successful woman ever, but ol’ boy still creeped around and found a way to cheat on her (with who, the world will never know), because he wanted to, and those are just couple of examples.

Let me just use this last paragraph to set the record straight, there are some great men out here, so this post does not apply to all men.

But just as there are good men out here, there are men who aren’t so good. Those are the ‘Fuck Boys’ most women talk about. Those are the ones we need to curve at ALL cost, and no i’m not a single bitter black woman that walks around with a chip on my shoulder (you know because people love to attack and label somebody for stating valid opinions). I simply want to use my blog and platform to inform and empower women like myself to glow in all areas … even dating!

With that being said, stay blessed Belles!

Xoxo, Heart Of A Belle 💚

What I really want in a relationship…

I get the same question from every man I encounter..”So Latifah what do you want in a relationship?” Which isn’t a bad question but it definitely made me think.

But this is what I truly want…

A man to compliment my life.

Who is equally yoked in things that matter like loyalty, God, depth, respect, compassion, trust, and love..

Someone who understands healthy rational boundaries.

Someone who pushes me to be the best I could possibly be while supporting each other’s goals and dreams.

A man who knows and loves himself without an ego.

A man who has evolved from his younger self and is constantly evolving as a better man.

A man who has learned his lesson and strives to be a greater person.

A man who holds my heart carefully and treats me amazing.

A man who values and honors love. A man who is wise enough to lead like a real man…

But until then I’ll remain single by choice.

Xoxo, Heart Of A Belle 💚

Before dating me you need to know…

If you’re going to fall in love with me here are a few things you should know…First off, I’m a handful! No, actually I’m like five handfuls. Sometimes I laugh a lot but also sometimes I cry a lot too. I’m definitely not mentally stable and I push people away in fear that I will be rejected again. But please don’t leave because I need someone who will push back. When I’m sad, I’m extremely terribly depressed sad. When I’m happy I’m extremely over the top filled with happiness. I often go into my own head and pick apart my flaws. Most times all I need is a hug and for you tell me I’m not alone. When you tell me you love me, I probably won’t believe you because the 2 men before you broke my ability to trust those words. When I’m not being myself don’t beat around the bush and walk on eggshells around me, use your words and tell me exactly how you feel. If you’re at mad at me, annoyed with me, or sad/upset about something.. please tell me. I don’t ask for too much and I don’t need expensive extravagant gifts from you to know my worth. I’ll never expect you to pay for things or buy me dinner, I’m happy with just being in your presence curled up watching Netflix. I wanna be able to just talk about the most random off the wall random things with you with no judgment. And with serious things I need you to just be there for me. Like I said, I don’t ask for much. All I want is a best friend who I can fall in love with….

Xoxo, Heart Of A Belle 💚